I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 6 years now and I love him to death !!! Would travel to Alaska in a bikini and/or protect him from any and everything hurtful if I had to …. However it took me a while for that to really register in my brain that it was going to be US. It’s no longer his & mines . Everything of ours started to mesh together. I believe in this generation you don’t really see a lot of relationships and marriages lasting “forever” so why should I share what’s mines with yours to make ours?
In relationships that you believe is serious, you cannot always put yourself first. One of you is going to give up on something that you want to do. Either you do it together alone or not at all.
There’s no more tit for tat. If you forgive him get over it and vice versa. It’s nothing more annoying than apologizing for something you did in the past just to hear about it months and years later…. Like “oh and I should’ve expected that because last year you said .. You did… Etc” there isn’t a scoreboard of what he does and you do, you do things for each other because you love each other .
Articles in the Huffington post said that
“You don’t give her your hand as she steps out of the bathtub, only to remind her of that hand later.
You offer your hand because you are alive and meant to love her and it is your vow to care for her. Even if she forgot your dry cleaning. And she covers you up in the night when you have kicked off the blankets, because she wants you to be warm. You forgot to do the dinner dishes, but she still wants you to be warm”
Now in order to maintain this concept of Ours everyday has to seem as if it was like seeing a girl you want to talk to for the first time. Once that concept changes the whole dynamics of the relationship changes and then we fall back into yours and mines.
Women will feel deprived if they are felt like they are pushed back. she will hit you with lines like ” I need to focus on myself” and/or I want to start doing things to make me happy and enjoy life. Women live for the Our effect.
The Our Effect is when you’re in a relationship that s has longevity You can’t just give or just take, it has to be both. You have to throw away the score card. It’s no longer his and her. It’s no longer what he does for me it’s what we do for each other.
The our effect takes places when he starts filling in on the things you lack in . As a couple you complete each other . It’s more than what scratches the service it’s how you both help each other conquer what ever difficulty that comes your way. It’s no longer seen as a relationship it’s a bond between two people who truly love each other and have no ill incentives.
As a woman you love him like how you love your kids, your family. As a man you love her as you do your own mother .